Searching for the best in me, new to the community

[RoaldA.]

Hello and here is my intro:

I'm 25 years old, living in Orange County. At this point of my life I'm in a rebuilding phase, coming out of highschool I was able to land a decent paying job which led me to believe that its was something I wanted to make a career out of. So for three years I put my nose to the grindstone being a working student, granted it was junior college it was still tough at the same time I was working hard to better my position at work. My social life was non existant and I had lost touch with many of my friends and of my prespective on life, I was always on the go. Four months before I complete my degree I get laid off, it phases me but I push through and get my degree. Naturally I go look for work the following six months would be my downfall, time after time I have no luck in finding a job. So the doubts begin to raise in my mind "did I make the right decision?" "was all this hard for nothing?". Eventually my doubts turned into regrets and the regrets took away any self confidence I had, then regrets led to depression. the next two and a half years I basically gave up I figured I'd strech my savings to their limits and then end it. When I saw myself I saw that I had nothing to offer not looks (I'm fat), no career, no aspirations (I was afraid that the same thing would happen again) I was s sad piece of shit. But no one ever knew I always put on a front as if everthing was ok, but I knew. Then one night I figured hey why not end this nightmare tonight, so late that night I stood in my kitchen with a knife to my wrist. It seemed like I stood there for an eternity until I finally just broke down. I didn't even have it in me to kill myself just trying to make light of the matter...but anyways the following week I took are real hard look at myself, my life, and what I could make of it given my situation at that point of time. And I'm happy to say that I made the right choice, It took the next four months for me to fully get back on my feet. I'm loving life I've never been this happy and this aware of life ever, but awarness works like a double sided blade not only do I now see the many things I have to offer I also see my weaknesses. I am trying to improve myself in all aspects but a huge flaw of mine is my social game before finding the podcast I was everything you guys said not to be. An ultimate goal of mine would be to develop and achieve great inner game, I'd be lieing if I didn't say that I'd like to be able to be with women.(I've only had one girlfriend and was back in highschool). I'd like to say not for sex but I'm a virgin so I can't really say, What I can say though is that having a meaningful relationship with someone would be another ultimate goal. Ever since I began listening I've implemented all the advice given and fucking hell the rush that I get from being able to do such things is the biggest reminder that life is fucking good, I don't ever want to lose touch with that feeling and this is why I need to learn. I'm far from where I want to be my biggest obstacles at the moment would be cold approaching, I get to into my head and then axiety just takes over. But I'm trying and it's a start...

Is there any hope for me? Nope becuase I'm not gonna hope for it, I'm gonna fucking do it! I believe in myself, I believe in the podcast, I believe in you guys. Cheezy as hell I know but the heck with it and lets do this!!!

[Bart S]

Is there any hope for me? Nope becuase I'm not gonna hope for it, I'm gonna fucking do it!

I like what you did there. It's the sign of someone that get's it and is well on their way!

[Johnny]

Good stuff RoaldA. Glad you came out the other side. Plenty here to get you started. Many have been where you have been only to become champions of living!

[Jordan Harbinger]

Welcome on board man! You'll find a lot of what you're looking for here.

-Jordan

[tantrafan]

Your online brothers will help.

For the fat thing, the most helpful thing I ever found, seriously - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9bDZ5-zPtY - check out the genetically modified obese hampsters.