Problems, maybe even a fear of kissing?

[TheCoolJohn]

After taking a serious look at my last several interactions........ I truly believe the reason I've stopped progressing is because of almost a fear of kissing.

I have improved a LOT in the past 6 months or so, but I realized that there have been several situations that I froze just before kissing a girl. 4 girls I would easily bet money they not only expected it but wanted to, and another after hugging her (and smacking her ass) she leaned in to kiss me and I backed up...

The problem isn't that I don't know when, it's when I KNOW they are wanting a kiss, I can't do it... I've held hands, hugged, kino'd and I even said to myself at the time, "if I don't do this, all the work will be ruined."

The last relationship I was in was the last girl I kissed, and that was several years ago. Any ideas?

[mattandlisa]

Oh crap! You need to learn how to "pull the trigger."

Listen, I have mild Ausperger's, for most of my teenage years and early adult life I used Alcohol to get over the paralyzing anxiety that I had in social settings. I would just fake it most of the time. The old "fake it until you make it" mentality. My game was solid, but it was totally fake, I was like a social robot, or worse, a sociopath. I can really empathize with your fear of the kiss. Sometimes what I do is I just act. I just assume a role, put on that character and bs my way through it.

It sounds to me like you are paralyzed by some sort of fear caused by whatever happened with your 1 evil ex. Somehow everything you do is shadowed by her. If I had to bet, kissing isn't the real problem, it is your evil ex*.

Basically, before I get all ADD in this post, my advice is to just go out and ACT like the version of yourself that you want to be. Fake it until you make it. Trust me, after kissing any girl your attracted to for a few seconds, your body will lead you the rest of the way.

*-By "evil ex" I don't mean that the woman is actually evil. That phrase is simply a short hand to emphasize that the experience with that woman has had a negative impact on your life.

[Bart S]

So the problem is also about your built up expectations around "the kiss". It holds too much power for you.

Practice being spontaneous. If you are out with a girl, kiss the girl on the cheek in a moment when you haven't been even thinking about it. Or grab her hand, kiss it. Start small.

Would you have a problem kissing her neck and from there moving to the lips? So in other words, start with a hug, smell her hair, kiss her neck. compliment her. Go up from there.

[logic]

I'm with Bart on this. . .I try to kiss some innocuous part of every girls body early in the interaction. Mostly it comes from banter like. . .I will bite your ear/finger off or some other stupid thing that comes out of my mouth and turns into a challenge. Then I bite her, and follow it with an I'm sorry and a little kiss when she plays hurt.