Disempowering Belief- Change is Serious

[peter_c]

I write a lot of belief examinations and reframes a la Tony Robbins style (from Awaken the Giant Within) so I decided that this is something I might be able to contribute to the board, so, my personal examination of my dissempowering belief that change is serious.

Disempowering Belief- Change is Serious

1. This belief is absurd; there is no evidence to support this belief, only the habit of emotional state inside while changing. Change is constantly occurring, and people aren’t always serious. It is simply a habit, a habit I must release.
2. The people who hold this belief are not worth modeling. For starters, I don’t like nor have ever had fun being serious, why would I do this during my favorite activity (Self development and change). Second those who hold this belief are worriers; this is not a behavior I want, as negative focus produces negative results. I can still have the strong emotion necessary for change without being serious.
3. Emotionally this belief, if held, will cause a tremendous amount of mental confusion between two things: change (Growth, my highest value) and fun and lightheartedness (Another extremely high value) By holding this belief I create and enormously destructive, ever increasing emotional and behavioral pain loop: I try to grow, because that is my passion, but then I am made serious by this belief, seriousness being a thing which I despise, I try to fix this by CHANGING it and the loop is perpetuated, and loops similar to this can be easily discovered though brief examination.
4. This belief, if held, will cut me off from anyone I try to get close to. My desire to get close (change) is accompanied immediately by seriousness, which cuts me off from myself by severing authenticity and genuineness. In relationships this belief will cause me the most painful experience ever, and that is to not be myself.
5. Physically, when I want to improve, this belief causes me to view exercise as a chore rather than an opportunity. I will hold an aversion to improvement because of the seriousness it makes me feel.
6. Financially this belief will de-inspire me into squanderous spending.
7. With my loved ones this belief will cause a disconnect that is quite concerning, with this belief allowed I will push my loved ones away

Summary: Seriousness disconnects lightheartedness and laid back-ness. Change is primarily rehearsal, so if change is serious I am rehearsing a disconnect from my authenticity.

Positive Reframe Beliefs- (Feel free to add)
• Change is made easy by its being laid back.
• Lighthearted change is a rehearsal that produces profound results even though it is lighthearted.

[Kim]

Great contribution, thanks!

[Bart S]

Examining "change" as serious vs. un-serious doesn't do much for me, since there really isn't an argument between the two things. I.e. I've never heard anyone postulate the argument that change is serious.

If I were to examine change as it relates to human emotion, I'd pose the argument as being between comfortable & uncomfortable. Cuz thats usually how it makes us feel (one way or the other).

A person can try and tell themselves that change is "comfortable" when it isn't, (which is akin to lying to yourself) or you could do the next best thing: Be indifferent. That is, attach no emotion to it one way or another.

So the re-frame doesn't have to be considered positive or negative. It just is. "Change; just is".

[jaycee]

Hey man, I would like to offer some advice about your post. I think it's less about the seriousness of change than it is about being in overly cerebral or in your head. I've been writing for over ten years now and I can tell you that the worst thing that can happen to a writer is to have writing become "work" or "a chore." You lose the spontaneity and playfulness that is essential to the craft. This happens when a writer gets too emotionally wrapped up in the success or failure of the piece, or if he or she approaches it as too much as a science and not enough as an art.

I bet this is what's happening to you with self-improvement. So my best advice to a writer in this situation would be to step out of your skull and make it okay for yourself to fail. You need to DO things to make this happen, like a writer would write in a journal or write anonymously. Hang with friends that will accept you no matter how off your game you might be that day. Do physical activity that is fun and isn't just pumping iron or running in place, where you're basically just measuring muscle growth or pounds lost. Talk to girls that aren't romantic interests. I would also suggest that you focus less on the mechanics of change and more on the art of change. The power of the woo-woo New Age self-help stuff is that they force you to think with the side of your brain that deals with abstract ideas and immeasurable and undefinable concepts. There is no "framing" going on. This is also the side of your brain that generates creativity and spontaneity. Give this side of your brain a workout by exposing it to less rigidly scientific material and more abstract material. Even if you don't go in for The Secret or David Deida or anything like that, exposing yourself to material that isn't as dense and that doesn't have the need to codify or examine or qualify will start to help bring you back to center on a subconscious level. I know a writer who reads children's books like Dr. Seuss to get out of writer's block for this reason.

And it's okay to be serious about something you're serious about, especially if it relates to your goals in life. Don't feel bad about that. It's all about taking action to maintain balance and perspective, man. Hope this helps!

[peter_c]

Bart, thanks for your perspective, you made me realize that seriousness for me connotates discomfort, perhaps I will examine my beliefs around that further.

jaycee, your input is amazing, I especially like the phrase "the art of change", I think I am going to add that to my change vocabulary.

Overall examining this belief has created movement in the direction of reaching a new level of laid back, which I really value, your guys input feels like delicious icing on the cake.